


Drunk on the Sparkle in his Eyes

by Petaldettle77



Category: The Flash
Genre: M/M, Some angst, romantic, totally fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-02-12 00:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12947313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petaldettle77/pseuds/Petaldettle77
Summary: Barry Allen and Julian Albert are secretly dating. But what will happen with the stress of a secret relationship and the pressure of coming out to everyone?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Caitlyn to my Cisco](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+Caitlyn+to+my+Cisco).



Barry placed his drink down on the table in front of him as he peered over his shoulder at his friends. His eyes landed on the blonde CSI talking with Cisco and Caitlyn and a grin tugged at his mouth. His blue eyes connected with Barry's green ones and a beautiful smile graced his lips. Barry grabbed his drink and went to join them. 

They ordered a round of shots and he took one too, even though it has no effect on him. His hand brushed Julian's and a light blush appeared on his cheeks but he was pretty sure everyone else was too drunk to notice. 

By the end of the night, everyone except Barry, was completely drunk and in no condition to drive. Cisco and Caitlyn decided to share a cab home since they lived near each other and Barry offered to run Julian back to his apartment. 

When he got there, he pulled Julian's arm around his neck and helped him to his bedroom. He laid him down on the bed and pulled a blanket up around Julian's shoulders in case he got cold. He bent down to place a kiss on Julian's forehead but, as he turned around to leave, he heard Julian mutter, "Please stay." He turned back towards him, "OK," he whispered. He went back to the bed and laid down next to Julian placing his arm around his waist. He smiled as he felt Julian lace their fingers together. He closed his eyes and drifted off loving how his fingers seemed to interlock perfectly with his boyfriend's.


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, Barry ran back home to Joe's hoping no one would notice that he hadn't come back last night. Unfortunately, as soon as he was in his room, Joe knocked on his door. 

"Hey, where were you last night?" Joe called through the door.

"Oh, I was just, uh, I spent the night at Cisco's place after we all got drinks." 

"Just call next time. I worry about you. You never know when some crazy meta human will decide to try and kidnap the Flash or something. I'll see you at work," Joe said before Barry heard footsteps walking away. 

He sighed and flopped down on his bed. He hated lying to the people closest to him about his relationship with Julian, but they had decided to wait until the timing was right to tell everyone. Barry had thought about telling everyone a few times. He loved Julian and wished they could get it out in the open so he could hold his hand in public or give his boyfriend a kiss goodbye. However, Barry was also terrified. How was he supposed to feel about coming out to everyone as gay? Or was he bisexual? He was pretty sure what he used to feel for Iris was real, even if it was nothing compared to how he now felt for Julian. How was he supposed to explain this to everyone if he didn't even understand? Not only that, but how would everyone react to the news that he had been hiding this relationship from them for this long? His phone rang breaking him out of his thoughts.

"We've got a new crime scene," Joe says. "I'm on my way," Barry replied. 

When Barry arrived, Julian was already there taking something out of his CSI case. Julian stood up and turned around as Barry approached. 

"Glad you finally decided to show up, Allen," Julian said with annoyance in his voice. But, the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips confirmed Barry's suspicions that this was just for show. "I thought you'd probably stay home today," Barry replied. "Well even though I'm completely hungover, when I woke up, my boyfriend wasn't by my side and I wanted to see him," Julian said in a quiet tone so only Barry would hear. A light blush painted Barry's face. 

"Sorry about that, I told Joe I was at Cisco's last night. How about for our lunch break, I run us out to Coast City for pizza and we can have a proper date without worrying we'll see someone we know?" 

"It's offers like that which remind me why I don't completely mind when you run off in the middle of our romantic dates." 

Barry rolled his eyes, "How many times do I have to say 'I'm sorry ' about that for you to forgive me?"

"I'm not sure. I guess you'll just have to keep apologizing until I do," Julian replied in the same hushed tone as before but now with a flirtatious edge. 

Barry couldn't help the tiny smile that forced its way onto his face. He loved how Julian could be so serious but had this playful side, it seems, only he got to see. Barry had to fight the urge to pull Julian into a passionate kiss reminding himself they were at a crime scene with multiple other cops there as well.

Joe looked up from the file he was reading and glanced over at Barry. He was talking with Julian, a grin plastered to his face. Joe had noticed this before, Barry and Julian smiling when ever they would talk. He was glad they became friends and no longer hated each other, but they seemed especially close these past few months. 

Joe watched as Julian waved to Barry and left, having finished collecting what he needed, and he noticed the way Barry's eyes lingered on Julian's retreating form, the same way he used to look at Iris. 

Joe forced himself to dismiss these thoughts. He was Barry's father after all and if something was going on, Barry would tell him. He took a breath to clear his mind and went back to the file he was supposed to be studying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this and have any ideas for what could happen, please comment; I would love to hear them. And if you see any grammatical errors please tell me. Bad grammar is a pet peeve of mine. Thanks again for reading!  
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77


	3. Chapter 3

"Why is Coast City pizza so good?" Julian asked with his mouth full. "I have no clue," Barry replied, "I'm just glad I get to enjoy it with my boyfriend." They smiled lovingly at each other and finished their pizza. 

They decided to spend the remainder of their lunch break walking in the park. Barry loved the feeling of the cool breeze on his face, the fresh air in his lungs, and the warmth from his boyfriend's fingers intertwined with his own. 

They were slowly strolling down a path when Julian suddenly pulled him aside so they were standing under a tall oak tree. Julian pressed Barry's back to the tree, wrapped his fingers around the back of Barry's neck, and pulled him down till their lips met. 

His lips were warm and soft against Barry's and Barry melted in the arms of his lover, pulling him closer and deepening their already passionate kiss. Julian threaded his fingers through Barry's hair and he melted even more at the feeling. God, he loved how Julian knew exactly how to drive him crazy. 

The kiss ended far to soon and as Julian pulled away, Barry already missed him. Julian looked up to meet his eyes and said, slightly out of breath, "We really need to be heading back." 

"Jules, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get rid of me," Barry replied in an obviously fake, hurt tone. Julian roles his blue eyes, "Unlike you, Sweetheart, I'm always on time." Barry's lips twitched with the hint of a smile at Julian's 'Sweetheart' before he riled his eyes, picked him up, and ran back to the CCPD. 

Back in the lab, Barry set Julian down, keeping his arm around him to help him find his balance. In a flash of light and gust of wind, Barry was suddenly standing by Julian's desk setting down two coffees from Jitters. "Two creams, one sugar, just how you like it," Barry said turning towards Julian. "You know me so well, Love," Julian replied stepping close to him and adjusting Barry's tie. 

Barry gazed into Julian's sea blue eyes, "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Julian smiled, "Pretty much every day." 

"I love you, Jules," Barry replied, his green eyes glistening. "I love you too, Barr," Julian gripped Barry's tie and pulled him into a kiss. Barry's hands slid up to hold the sides of Julian's face. 

The kiss made Barry's heart flutter and he wished, more than anything, for this moment to never end. If he and Julian finally did tell everyone, they could do this all the time, no longer fearing someone would find out. Julian pulled Barry closer and the kiss became more passionate. You know, maybe telling everybody about them wouldn't really be so bad...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who have read this! I will hopefully post chapter 4 soon since I've almost finished it. Thanks to the Caitlyn to my Cisco for helping me through my writer's block.   
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77


	4. Chapter 4

Barry was pacing back and forth in the West living room. His hands were vibrating with nervous energy he was desperately trying to control. 

Deep breathes. Deep breaths. Everything is going to be fine. 

This was Joe he was talking about. Joe who has always been supportive of him. But the second Joe walked into the room, Barry gulped. Why did he have to promise Julian he would finally tell everyone? Who was he kidding? He couldn't do it.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" Joe asked as he sat down in front of Barry. He gulped. 

"So... um... there's something I've been meaning to tell you... you see... um," Barry wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. 

"Can you hold on a moment?" Joe said pulling out his vibrating phone to check who was calling, "It's Iris."

"Um... yeah, sure," Barry replied with an awkward smile and a mental sigh of relief. Joe gave him a weird look before getting up from the couch and answering his phone. 

As he left the room, Barry flopped into a chair, running his hand through his hair. His hand started vibrating with nerves and he momentarily cursed the speed force in his cells. His heart was beating so hard he could see it when he looked down at his chest. 

"Sorry about that. What were you going to say?" Joe asked coming back into the room and retaking his previous seat. 

"Um... you know, never mind. It wasn't important. I hardly even remember what I was going to say. I've gotta run!" Barry let out an awkward, nervous laugh before disappearing in a gust of wind and flash of lightning. 

Barry's heart was hammering in his chest as he stared at the wood door of Julian's apartment. Why did he have to promise Julian he would tell everyone about them? And why did he have to chicken out when telling Joe and not even try to tell the others? 

Mustering up all his courage he entered the apartment and mentally prepared himself to disappoint the person he cared most about. 

As he entered the room, he was greeted with the most amazing concoction of smells floating in from the kitchen. 

"Ah, Barry, you're back! How did everyone take the news? I've got dinner cooking; I hope you're hungry!" Julian stated happily when he noticed Barry standing by the door. 

"So... about telling everyone," Julian stopped stirring something in a pot and turned to look at him. "Is everything ok? Did someone not take the news well?" Julian asked worriedly. 

"You see... I didn't... really... tell anyone." Barry gulped and looked away from Julian's eyes. "What?" He couldn't tell if Julian was upset or not. "Why not? What happened?" 

Barry gulped, "I don't know... I just... " Barry trailed off. "God, don't you want people to know we're together?" Julian's voice was harsh as it raised in volume yet was still tinged with hurt. 

"I do!" Barry's voice also showing slight anger. "Then why can't you tell anyone?" Barry almost cringed at the malice in Julian's voice. 

He opened his mouth, brain grasping for an answer but falling short. 

"You know what?" Julian said and Barry could see the hurt in his eyes and hear the pain in his voice. "If you don't want people to know we're together, maybe we just shouldn't be together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read this! Sorry I didn't post for awhile. I was super busy with my school's musical. I tried to add some angst and some drama. Don't worry! I love them too much to not have them get back together in a couple chapters. Please comment if you have any suggestions or if  you found any spelling or grammar mistakes.   
> Thanks again!  
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77


	5. Chapter 5

Barry woke with tears on his face and a shiver running down his spine. He didn't remember what his dream was about, but he knew it had something to do with Julian and all he could feel was the cold, empty loneliness pressing down on his chest. 

Barry rolled over, reaching to find Julian, to curl up in his warm arms, but his fingers were only met with empty sheets and not Julian's soft skin. 

Then the previous day returned to him. Barry felt a pang in his heart and a burning behind his eyes with the memory. Glancing at his clock, after blinking away his forming tears, he was reminded he had to go to work, and to his shared lab with Julian. 

After another pang in his chest, he decided to just call in sick and go to STAR Labs for the day. At least, there, he could hide behind a red mask and distract himself from his troubles by punching bad guys and criminals in the face. 

Unfortunately, for Barry, today of all days, everybody was deciding to be upstanding citizens so he was back at his apartment all alone. 

Caitlin stood outside Barry's apartment. Barry had been acting strange, she was pretty sure she knew why, and she knew Barry needed someone. 

After she knocked, she waited but didn't hear anything through the door. Finally she called, "Barry? Are you there? It's me Caitlin." 

Barry sped around his apartment, trying his best to make it appear as if he hadn't been sitting on his couch watching musicals, eating multiple gallons of ice cream. 

When he finally opened the door, Caitlin was standing there with a worried crinkle in her brow. He smiled trying to seem nonchalant, hoping to make her worry less, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes and the wrinkle between her brows deepened. 

"Hey, what's up?" Barry asked after a deep breath to calm himself. 

"I just came by to see if you were OK; you didn't seem like yourself earlier." 

"You don't need to worry. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong," Barry replied but his eyes screamed of despair. 

He just wanted her to leave so he could cry alone without judgment or ridicule, not that he believed sweet Caitlin would mock him, but he wanted to collapse in on himself and wallow until he had no more tears to shed, unobstructed by another human being. 

"You don't seem fine." 

Caitlin's words pained him. He told himself, and everyone else, he was fine so much, he started to believe it, not truly in his heart but enough to keep him afloat, and her words dragged him down to the depths of reality. 

He wanted to call for help, a friendly face among the darkness, but he was drowning in his sorrow and when he tried to talk, all he did was choke and splutter as water filled his lungs and the precious bubbles of air floated past his lips and up through the shadows. 

"Is this about you and Julian?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will hopefully post the next chapter soon. Please comment and tell me what you think and if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes. Thanks again!   
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77


	6. Chapter 6

Barry's eyes turned shocked, "What?" 

"You weren't that good at hiding it," Caitlin replied with a small kind smile. 

Barry was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve and she had instantly known something was up when Barry would come into the lab happier than normal and smile to himself whenever someone mentioned Julian. 

Her suspensions were confirmed when she spied Barry staring at Julian, when he was turned away, with a fond look in his eye and a cute little smile tugging at his lips. She was even more positive about the situation when Barry had left his phone at STAR Labs, after fighting a meta human, and a text popped up on the screen with a ping. 

She couldn't help but read the text when she glanced in the direction of the sound and she smiled to herself when she saw Julian's name with a heart beside it and a sweet note in which Julian had referred to Barry as "Love." 

The shock on Barry's features receded being, again, replaced by the forlorn look in his eyes. 

"How long have you known?" Barry asked finally opening his door to allow her entrance. 

"About two months," she gazed around the room before turning back to see Barry leaning against the, now closed, door. "I didn't say anything because I was waiting for you to tell us."

Barry looked down at his feet as he sniffed and wiped his eyes and nose on his sweater sleeve. When he looked back up at her his eyes were red and teary. 

"So, how long have you two been together?" Caitlin took Barry's hands and led him over to his couch to sit while they talked. 

"About three months," Barry replied. 

"How did it happen?"

"Well," Barry swallowed back the lump in his throat, "I realized that I kinda liked him after we got drinks once and we actually had fun. I asked him to get drinks again and I guess he got the hint and liked me back, 'cause while we were out, he kissed me in the bar."

For the first time that day, Caitlin saw Barry smile, a genuine smile, which crinkled the corners of his eyes in that perfect Barry Allen way. But his beautiful smile faded and the pained look returned to his eyes. 

"Uhh, I was such a jerk," Barry said pulling his knees up to his chest, forehead resting against his palms, eyes squeezed shut. 

"What happened between you two?" 

Caitlin's eyes were caring, eyebrows knit together in concern. Barry slowly opened his eyes. He wiped his eyes, which were red, and sniffed before taking a breath. 

"We had a fight. I promised Julian I would finally tell everyone about us, but of course I had to chicken out and let him down," Barry let out a self-deprecating laugh, as if his own misery was just so hilarious, and a few tears streaked their way, like rain on a window pane, down his cheeks. 

"We got into this big fight and he said that if I couldn't tell people we were together, maybe it was a sign we just shouldn't be together." Barry's tears were no longer drops pattering against glass but a steady down pour. "UHH! I was such a jerk after he said that! I don't even know why I was mad; it was my fault!"

He buried his face in his hands. Hot angry tears burned his eyes and streamed through his fingers. Why had he been so STUPID! 

He hadn't realized when Caitlin pulled him into her arms but he held onto her as if she was the only thing keeping him from plummeting over the edge of a cliff.

Barry was lying across the couch, head in Caitlin's lap as she stroked his hair and petted his shoulder, arms, and back to soothe him. 

When his breathing returned to relatively normal and his sobs became nothing more than a sniffle or a quiet whimper, she finally ventured, "Why did you feel you couldn't tell us?"

Barry was quiet and she assumed his still wasn't ready to talk when he spoke, barely above a whisper, "I don't know. None of you have ever done anything homophobic, but... I guess I thought, I don't know, you might be secretly." 

Barry seemed to tense up and Caitlin felt another tear run down his face to her leg. 

"Both my parents are dead. You and Cisco, Joe, Iris," more tears streamed down his face and she brushed his hair back with her fingertips, "you're all I have left."

"I was so scared of losing someone I loved," he pulled his knees to his chest and let out a tiny choked sob, "that I did." 

Barry cried until he had no more tears left to shed. 

Caitlin helped him up from the couch and to his room. She helped him into a new shirt, less covered in snot and tears, and helped him into bed. She stayed by his side, pierced on the edge of the bed, softly stroking his hair, until his breathing evened out and she knew he was asleep. 

She quietly slipped out of his apartment after leaving a glass of water on his bed side table with a note telling him everything would be okay and he didn't need to worry about going into work or any Flash business because she would take care of it. 

She pulled out her phone and dialed Cisco's number. After about five rings, he finally picked up, "Hey, Cait, what's up?"

His words were slightly slurred and his voice sounded too enthusiastic while still lacking its usual joy. 

"Where you sleeping?"

"What? NO! Of course not!" Cisco replied, indignant, but the way his voice raised an octave just proved her point. 

"Cisco! You're supposed to be monitoring the city for crime! How do you expect to know you need to fight some meta and save a sweet old lady's life if you're asleep and cuddling your twizzlers?"

"Hey, I do not cuddle my twizzlers!"

"You did last time!"

"That's beside the point. Anyway, the meta alarms are loud so I would wake up as soon as it went off and the sweet old lady would be fine."

"Whatever, by the way, you owe me five bucks; Julian and Barry did breakup."

"Is he okay?"

Caitlin glanced back at the door and it was as if Cisco was there, reading her thoughts, because after her moment of silence, he replied, "Don't worry, he will be."

"Yeah, he will be," she repeated. 

I sure hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry it's been so long. Don't worry Barry is my baby and I won't let him be sad for to long. Please comment I would love to here from you all!  
> Any suggestions? Please tell me! 
> 
> Side note, just out of random curiosity, has anybody else watched Dr.Horrible's Sing-along-blog? Or am I just that nerdy?
> 
> Thanks again for reading this!  
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77   
> <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! This is my first FanFiction so please comment and let me know what you think. I am a total sappy romantic so I wrote something super fluffy for the first chapter. I will try and update often but I am pretty busy with school. Thanks again for reading!   
> Love you all!  
> -Petaldettle77


End file.
